notdaredevil | IC INBOX (MASKORMENACE)

[Matt thinks now they should have had this conversation in person. They're not the touchiest of people, at least not with each other. But they've known each other since they were just starting out. Peter's friendship has meant the world to him, even when he had his head jammed too far up his own ass to see it. It's not easy to tell him these things. It's not easy to admit to them.]

No, I should have been there for you. I wanted you to be all right. [Because he needed that to be true. Because he had so many things to address. ] I should have trusted my instincts better, but...between Foggy and the Sons of the Serpent, I got distracted.

[He almost hesitates to say it, because, for someone whose life has been an unstinting and unrelenting confrontation of the darkest sides of himself for the longest time, he almost wants to protect Peter from- from this thing Matt doesn't even understand. But Peter won't appreciate it any more than Matt would.]

Peter, it gets worse. You set loose these little robot spiders all over the city to watch everything for you. You turned the city on Phil Urich by exposing him as Hobgoblin, publicly- you set the citizens against a known and well-equipped supervillain. You killed Massacre. You hired a bunch of former muscle as your sort of personal Spider-Army or whatever you were calling it. Frank and I had to try and stage an intervention.

[Peter's grateful that they're having this conversation over the phone. His spider powers have never had much influence on his personality, other than giving him the confidence he'd sorely lacked as a child, but right now he wants nothing more than to find a dark corner and not come out. It's bad enough knowing that Matt can hear the hitch of his breath, can guess from the rustle and thud that he's slid down the wall to sit curled on the floor. His control's fraying, and a simple kind touch might undo him.]

And here I've been ragging on you for your ninja kingpin phase.

[He puts down the phone and covers his face, the base of each palm pressed against his eyes as he tries to process everything he's hearing. Phil Urich of all people, someone named Massacre -- who, ironically, is his own victim. Matt needing to rope in the Punisher to help stop him.]

You have to take me down. Whether it's really me or not, you can't hesitate.

[Well now he's just lucky that this isn't in person, because if it were, Matt might punch him in the goddamn face.]

I have to take you down? How dare you, Peter. How dare you of all people demand that I put you down like a rabid dog, when I know for a fact when our positions were reversed you wouldn't do the same to me. Ever.

[Of course, in Matt's position, he had fought free long enough to kill himself, which seems perfectly valid and at the same time renders this argument somewhat hypocritical. And of course he has other friends who would have put Matt down, if they'd been able. But that's not the point here. The point here is that's not something they do, the two of them. Killing Peter would be turning his back on Peter, giving up on him, compromising everything they've both stood for, and Matt will never find it in his heart to do that.]

If I have to cut a deal with the devil himself to fix whatever's going to happen to you, I will. I will drag you to every scientist, exorcist, and telepath I can find until something works. But don't you dare beg me to kill you. The Peter Parker I know doesn't just give up and quit, and he sure as hell doesn't insult himself and me by pretending murder is a viable solution.

[Matt's almost physically palpable outrage should make him feel guilty, and it does; instead of getting him to back down, though, it only makes him furious. Peter knows exactly what his life is worth, especially if he's become a murderer. Who the hell is Matt Murdock to say otherwise?]

Matt, you have no idea what I'm capable of. How much I hold myself back every damn day, every fight I get into because I want to stop whoever I'm fighting but I'm terrified I'll break them. If I've really gone over the edge, you can't hold back -- I'm not saying I want you to kill me, but it's better than the alternative! It's better than hurting more people, or you trying to talk me down and getting yourself --

[He doesn't know whether he cut himself off because the thought is too horrible to voice or, perversely, because he doesn't want to offend Matt more than he already has. The raw power disparity between them has always been an unspoken thing -- it's never needed to be discussed when Daredevil's discipline, training and perceptive insight let him hold his own. But a Spider-Man off the leash changes the equation.]

The way you talk about me, I sound like a supervillain. One of the bad ones.

I appreciate your faith in my abilities and powers of observation.

[In contrast to his outrage, Matt's tone couldn't possibly be more icy. Derisive, intending to plant the knife and twist it. Whatever Peter thinks, Matt knows him well. He's seen Spidey snap before, and of the two of them, he's by far the better planner. And he has tricks he's never used before around his friend, and certainly never contemplating using on his friend.

Besides, if he thinks Matt isn't canny enough to bring back-up, if necessary, he's definitely not thinking carefully.]

And I'll commend you on a frankly impressive attempt at blending self-loathing with a massive ego trip, but I won't be responsible for having to go to your Aunt May, or Mary Jane, to explain you thought your life wasn't worth saving. That I or anyone else agreed to throw it away. It's not happening.

[ However a true, no-holds-barred battle between them would turn out, in this fight Matt's struck a hard blow. Peter's flinch is almost audible.]

Don't. Don't use them like that, don't you dare --

[ Because they're at the center of all this, aren't they. The two people he loves most are far beyond his reach, and for three years he consoled himself that as far as they're concerned he's never left; however much he misses them, they're safe, protected.

Then a universe died, and all it did was reset the clock. He's gotten used to being an explainer, to identifying as an imPort the same way he does being a New Yorker or a man or a superhero. To looking after kids when he'd felt barely more than a child himself. How much longer can he stay here, and how much more can he change before going home and resetting isn't a return to normal, but a kind of death?

With all that percolating in the back of his mind, Matt's news was the last bit of comfort stripped away. A complete betrayal, not by his friend but apparently by himself. He's completely unmoored; he can't trust in anything, any more.]

Then think about what the hell you're saying. Think about the consequences of what you're trying to ask me, and pull yourself together, Peter.

[Matt doesn't understand, because Matt doesn't remember. But if anybody's an expert in the sort of rampant self-destruction and ruin that inflicts untold casualties, it's Matt Murdock. And at his most self-pitying, at his lowest point...maybe he would have wanted that, too. Maybe it's the understanding that makes him so vehemently opposed now, when it's somebody else's life on the line. He wouldn't wish that feeling on anybody. And he refuses to allow Peter to go through it, if he can help it.]

[ His response is immediate, sharp and biting. ]

Which self am I supposed to pull together? The one here that's going to cease to exist when I go home, whenever that is, or the one that apparently just killed someone?

Both. Either. As long as the one I'm talking to can hold it together long enough to think things through.

IC INBOX (MASKORMENACE)

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